Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
