i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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