The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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