i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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