my shit smells like andre
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The uberlube is also flammable
He shit in the fireplace
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
