I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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