doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
A+ Viking dick
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
