this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize