at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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