My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
