Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
