Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
