sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
