oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Bring me that man meat
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
