I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
