Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize