hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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