YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
