I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
