I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
