Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
