OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
