Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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