You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
