Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
