i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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