This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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