How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
