I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
