i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
