I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
