Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
