her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
