i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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