Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Randomize
