woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
