no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize