i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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