Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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