You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
