we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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