i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
