if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
