Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
