It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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