need another drink. this is the easiest way
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
