Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Randomize
