I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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