Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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