Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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