It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
