Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
