I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
