No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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