i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
