Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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