Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
