that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
