i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
