I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
