Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just pee around me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
