is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
