My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
