Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
