You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
