i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
