Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
