I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
