Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize