I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
